Today has been an emotional day. Ms. Sarah Gillespe was hit by a drunk driver yesterday evening and died. Some of you are asking who Ms. Sarah was, so let me tell you. Ms. Sarah was an amazing woman. She worked in Tiny Town for as long as I've been a member and probably a lot longer. She always had a smile. She loved the children, and more importantly they loved her. I haven't served with her in two years, yet I still remember how much fun it was just to be in the same room with her. She would tell the kids stories, hug them, and love on them as if they were her own. She always asked about my life, and the next time I saw her no matter how much time had passed she would always ask about the specifics I had told her before. She was a true servant of God.
Seeing how wonderful Ms. Sarah was, can you imagine the anger that is felt knowing she was killed by a drunk driver? It would be so easy to want to lash out as some have already done on the news sites. Yet I can not. God calls us to forgive. He calls us to love. Some days it is so hard. To know that my son will not grow up and learn about Christ's love from Ms. Sarah's example, it makes it even harder. To know that I won't get to pass her and stop to talk in Tiny Town. To not hear her comment on Alex's growth. It hurts.
Yet God has a plan, and His plan is so much bigger than I can even fathom. So my prayers are for the family of the man who drove drunk. I pray for his wife who is suffering knowing her husband did such a thing. For the kids who grow up under the stigma of having a drunk dad who killed. I pray that our church shows them Christ's love, that we support them and help them as they go through this. Most of all, I pray for the man who was behind the wheel. I pray for when he is sober and realizes what has been done by his hands, he does not let the guilt and shame eat him alive. I pray he finds strength and salvation in Jesus. That his life becomes a reflection of God's glory and mercy. I know how hard this will be on him and I pray he knows God loves him, and sent His son to die for him.
Most of all, I pray for myself and for my church family who are missing Ms. Sarah. I pray we grow more loving in all this, that we remind ourselves how Ms. Sarah was, and how she is now. Beautiful. Rejoicing. And I'm sure God's got her loving on all the children who have been brought home to Him.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Clean House
Every time I take a trip out of town, doesn't matter for how long or how far, I have to clean my house. It's irrelevant if I just cleaned it the day before, or that it's going to get messed up before I even leave, I still feel the need to do it. So today, I have spent hours doing floors, dusting, cleaning glass, and vacuuming. Tomorrow, I will probably do the same. Well, close enough to the same. I'll dust some more, probably decide I need to do my baseboards, or something nonsensical as that. I'll wash all the bedding then probably decide that I need to do the curtains too. The funny thing? I'll only be gone for a few days, and when I return... I'll do all of it over again. Why? It doesn't matter how long or how far I have gone, when I come home I have to clean my house.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Relationships
It's amazing how relationships work. I get out of them what I put into them. Each relationship has a different depth and I have to be willing to put myself out in that depth too. That's what makes the relationships so amazing.
I have relationships that are in the Sunlight Zone. They are the ones that we are acquainted with one another, we sometimes comment to one another on Facebook or stop and chat at church, but there just is not constant communication. In the ocean, the Sunlight Zone is where the most visible light is. With light comes heat and so therefore it's also the level that has the widest range of temperatures. Relationships at this depth shine a lot on the outside, can be really warm one day and then not so warm the next.
Now I'll talk about my relationships in the Twilight Zone. See, in the ocean the Twilight Zone has very faint light from above, but this is where you can find twinkling light creatures. It's also the zone that has the most diversity in strange and bizarre fish. My relationships in this zone are the same way, with light coming from the people themselves and, let's even admit it, with the most bizarre people involved. This zone is where I find the people who I randomly do common things with such as scrap booking, reading, walking, having play dates with the kids, serving at church, playing or watching football, and even shopping. These relationships are diverse, fun, and the most common in my life. They're the people I call, text, or message just to hang out with at random times. They're the ones who I can go months without talking to them, contact for something fun, and have a totally wonderful time together.
Next we get to the Midnight Zone. In this zone, there is no faint light from above. The only visible light is from the creatures themselves. There is immense water pressure in this zone and lots of animals that are mainly red or black in coloring due to the lack of light. I only have a few relationships in this zone. This is where I find people willing to give me a kick and tell me to straighten up. This is where I share my deepest fears and most coveted dreams. This is where I share my sins, ask for accountability, and rejoice for salvation.
The Abyss has near freezing temperatures. There is no light and very few creatures. It's creatures are usually permanent residents in this depth. Such are my relationships in this zone. This is where I find those who have seen me through the toughest times of my life. My parents' marriage. My parents' divorce. My parent's new marriages. My grandmother's death. My depression. My son's unexpected admittance to NICU. These are the relationships that were in place and helped me through my darkest times. They are the relationships with people that even if I don't see them for years, I still pray for them and love them greatly.
Last we come to the Trenches. The Trenches have crushing water pressure and just above freezing temperatures. The only creatures that can survive here are invertebrates such as starfish. The Trenches are the most important natural boundaries in the Earth's solid surface. In my life, the only person who reaches this depth is Jesus. His love is so deep, that I can not even begin to fathom it. His love is deeper than any of the above depths mentioned. I can not love as deep as He can. Here in the Trenches, where life is scarce, there is still hope. His love is in all the above depths and deeper still. When life is crushing the breath from my soul, His love protects me and covers me. In my Sunlight relationships, He is there. In my Twilight relationships, He is there. In my Midnight relationships, He is there. In my Abyss relationships, He is there. His love is there in all those depths, and in greater depths than I can even imagine.
I have relationships that are in the Sunlight Zone. They are the ones that we are acquainted with one another, we sometimes comment to one another on Facebook or stop and chat at church, but there just is not constant communication. In the ocean, the Sunlight Zone is where the most visible light is. With light comes heat and so therefore it's also the level that has the widest range of temperatures. Relationships at this depth shine a lot on the outside, can be really warm one day and then not so warm the next.
Now I'll talk about my relationships in the Twilight Zone. See, in the ocean the Twilight Zone has very faint light from above, but this is where you can find twinkling light creatures. It's also the zone that has the most diversity in strange and bizarre fish. My relationships in this zone are the same way, with light coming from the people themselves and, let's even admit it, with the most bizarre people involved. This zone is where I find the people who I randomly do common things with such as scrap booking, reading, walking, having play dates with the kids, serving at church, playing or watching football, and even shopping. These relationships are diverse, fun, and the most common in my life. They're the people I call, text, or message just to hang out with at random times. They're the ones who I can go months without talking to them, contact for something fun, and have a totally wonderful time together.
Next we get to the Midnight Zone. In this zone, there is no faint light from above. The only visible light is from the creatures themselves. There is immense water pressure in this zone and lots of animals that are mainly red or black in coloring due to the lack of light. I only have a few relationships in this zone. This is where I find people willing to give me a kick and tell me to straighten up. This is where I share my deepest fears and most coveted dreams. This is where I share my sins, ask for accountability, and rejoice for salvation.
The Abyss has near freezing temperatures. There is no light and very few creatures. It's creatures are usually permanent residents in this depth. Such are my relationships in this zone. This is where I find those who have seen me through the toughest times of my life. My parents' marriage. My parents' divorce. My parent's new marriages. My grandmother's death. My depression. My son's unexpected admittance to NICU. These are the relationships that were in place and helped me through my darkest times. They are the relationships with people that even if I don't see them for years, I still pray for them and love them greatly.
Last we come to the Trenches. The Trenches have crushing water pressure and just above freezing temperatures. The only creatures that can survive here are invertebrates such as starfish. The Trenches are the most important natural boundaries in the Earth's solid surface. In my life, the only person who reaches this depth is Jesus. His love is so deep, that I can not even begin to fathom it. His love is deeper than any of the above depths mentioned. I can not love as deep as He can. Here in the Trenches, where life is scarce, there is still hope. His love is in all the above depths and deeper still. When life is crushing the breath from my soul, His love protects me and covers me. In my Sunlight relationships, He is there. In my Twilight relationships, He is there. In my Midnight relationships, He is there. In my Abyss relationships, He is there. His love is there in all those depths, and in greater depths than I can even imagine.
Stifled Creativity
You know that feeling that you can create anything? If you're a writer, you feel that you can write for hours and you have so much to say. If you're a painter, you have a million pictures in your head that you want to create. On and on it goes for scrap bookers, photographers, gardeners, floral arrangers, and all other creators out there. Well, I had three or four days that I felt I could write about anything. There's plenty of inspiration in the world around me. Then yesterday I did something I hadn't done all week. I turned on the TV. Now every time I sit here to write something that inspires me all I can do is hum the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song. It's enough to drive a person insane. So today I devote my day to no TV and hopefully by tonight or tomorrow, I'll feel inspired again!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Comfort Zone
I have a comfort zone. I'm sure we all do. I like my comfort zone. Actually, it would be more accurate to state that I wallow in my comfort zone. Step outside of my zone? Not willingly. It is so amazing how God can move us to places that we never thought or in my case wanted to go. Once I am there, it's a different story.
Let's talk about macaroni and cheese for instance. I am a Kraft in the blue box mac-n-cheese girl. There's no two ways about it. Now Kraft has an instant version that you put in the microwave. I have managed to avoid it up until I had coupons and a sale that made it really cheap for me. So I bought it. Know what I discovered? It's not bad. Not as good as the boxed stuff of course, but add a little milk, some salt and pepper and you've got yourself a pretty good little dish.
I am currently way out of my comfort zone. I would rather be fixing someone else's finances and worrying about someone else's paperwork than my own. My home office/guest room is a prime example of this and has been for ten years but I digress. I have never not worked. My first 'job' was when I was 8 and I babysat the six month old boy and his five year old brother next door to us while all our parents played cards. It was a token job, seeing that the parents were right in the next room, but to me it was a job. Fast forward four years later, I am babysitting kids in the neighborhood without the parental safety net. At sixteen I started working a mom and pop grocery store. I have worked in grocery stores, a library, real estate companies, and doctors' offices. I have been a cashier, stocker, computer programmer, art department manager, ad writer and editor, receptionist, Realtor, book keeper, medical coder, medical biller and office manager of four companies. I have been the 'go to' person in companies because I can streamline a company from top to bottom in no time flat. I have gone to work for companies that have been ripped off, badly managed, and on the verge of closing down and helped produce a profitable company within my first year.
You wonder why I am telling you about all of this? I am stating this because there is something that I can not do and I am way out of my comfort zone on. I can not run a household. There. I have admitted it. It is out for the world to see. I can't even figure out how to organize my pantry. I have just barely gotten on top of the groceries and cooking, but I stick with the same meals and rarely add something new. My office is a prime example of my lack of a running household. I can't even figure out where to put anything in that room, so instead I close the door and ignore as if it is not there. Poor Alex has had me rearrange his room every other week and still I am mentally rethinking it and planning my next rearranging. I don't know how Rob deals with coming home and nothing is the same as when he left.
I learn more everyday. I go to friends' houses searching for solutions that may help me gain control over this monstrosity. Of course, it does not help matters that I am a pack rat. I can not seem to get rid of anything and always keep it just in case. There's also the fact that our home has become a storage unit for other people's things also. So basically, I am inept at running a household and overwhelmed by clutter and it is spilling over to all other aspects of my life. Alex is lucky if I remember to bring diapers for him when we go out much less wipes, food, or toys. Rob, the poor man, is always asking me if I have seen this, that or the other.
Still God keeps me here and Alex reminds me daily what a blessing that is. So while I am outside of my comfort zone, I am in very much inside my growing zone and growing more everyday. One day I may even have this household stuff down pat. One could hope. For now, I'm happy with just knowing I can have Kraft mac-n-cheese in less than four minutes.
Let's talk about macaroni and cheese for instance. I am a Kraft in the blue box mac-n-cheese girl. There's no two ways about it. Now Kraft has an instant version that you put in the microwave. I have managed to avoid it up until I had coupons and a sale that made it really cheap for me. So I bought it. Know what I discovered? It's not bad. Not as good as the boxed stuff of course, but add a little milk, some salt and pepper and you've got yourself a pretty good little dish.
I am currently way out of my comfort zone. I would rather be fixing someone else's finances and worrying about someone else's paperwork than my own. My home office/guest room is a prime example of this and has been for ten years but I digress. I have never not worked. My first 'job' was when I was 8 and I babysat the six month old boy and his five year old brother next door to us while all our parents played cards. It was a token job, seeing that the parents were right in the next room, but to me it was a job. Fast forward four years later, I am babysitting kids in the neighborhood without the parental safety net. At sixteen I started working a mom and pop grocery store. I have worked in grocery stores, a library, real estate companies, and doctors' offices. I have been a cashier, stocker, computer programmer, art department manager, ad writer and editor, receptionist, Realtor, book keeper, medical coder, medical biller and office manager of four companies. I have been the 'go to' person in companies because I can streamline a company from top to bottom in no time flat. I have gone to work for companies that have been ripped off, badly managed, and on the verge of closing down and helped produce a profitable company within my first year.
You wonder why I am telling you about all of this? I am stating this because there is something that I can not do and I am way out of my comfort zone on. I can not run a household. There. I have admitted it. It is out for the world to see. I can't even figure out how to organize my pantry. I have just barely gotten on top of the groceries and cooking, but I stick with the same meals and rarely add something new. My office is a prime example of my lack of a running household. I can't even figure out where to put anything in that room, so instead I close the door and ignore as if it is not there. Poor Alex has had me rearrange his room every other week and still I am mentally rethinking it and planning my next rearranging. I don't know how Rob deals with coming home and nothing is the same as when he left.
I learn more everyday. I go to friends' houses searching for solutions that may help me gain control over this monstrosity. Of course, it does not help matters that I am a pack rat. I can not seem to get rid of anything and always keep it just in case. There's also the fact that our home has become a storage unit for other people's things also. So basically, I am inept at running a household and overwhelmed by clutter and it is spilling over to all other aspects of my life. Alex is lucky if I remember to bring diapers for him when we go out much less wipes, food, or toys. Rob, the poor man, is always asking me if I have seen this, that or the other.
Still God keeps me here and Alex reminds me daily what a blessing that is. So while I am outside of my comfort zone, I am in very much inside my growing zone and growing more everyday. One day I may even have this household stuff down pat. One could hope. For now, I'm happy with just knowing I can have Kraft mac-n-cheese in less than four minutes.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tiara Time
Better Homes & Garden magazine did a calendar with ideas from Life's Too Short by Lisa Quinn. In this book part of what she recommends is wearing a tiara when you want your family to leave you alone. She said that way your family knows that it's Queen Mum's time. It got me to thinking. Now granted, I haven't been a mom for long, but do you really need a tiara to have time of your own?
Rob, my wonderful husband, has been so good to me. I get time to myself every evening, because of him. He works six days a week, and yet he still will take over watching Alex for me to go take a hot bath, curl up with a book, or read magazines. Granted, a lot of days I don't do any of those things. Instead I am usually washing dishes, rotating laundry, folding clothes, or returning correspondence. It's hard to be a woman. We have so many roles we fill. Wife. Mother. Employee. Employer. Child of God. The list goes on and on. Yet how many times have you thought to wear a tiara to get a break from these roles?
Rob, my wonderful husband, has been so good to me. I get time to myself every evening, because of him. He works six days a week, and yet he still will take over watching Alex for me to go take a hot bath, curl up with a book, or read magazines. Granted, a lot of days I don't do any of those things. Instead I am usually washing dishes, rotating laundry, folding clothes, or returning correspondence. It's hard to be a woman. We have so many roles we fill. Wife. Mother. Employee. Employer. Child of God. The list goes on and on. Yet how many times have you thought to wear a tiara to get a break from these roles?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Ever Have One of Those Days
You're not really sure which one of those days it is but you know you have had one. I know I have. My life has been flipped upside down, inverted from concave to convex, and turned in so many directions that sometimes I can't even tell if I am still moving. Ten years ago, I did not see my life the way it is now. Back then I dreamed of fast cars, sleek boats, massive houses, and mighty careers. Nowadays I dream of maid service, chauffeurs, grocery delivery, and baby food. I never get my house clean. The minute I start working on it, always during nap time, someone wakes up. My little tornado, Alex, can tear apart a clean room in less than sixty seconds. Amazing when it takes me two hours to clean it. He moves so quickly that it is unbelievable. I have going to the bathroom while he is awake, including washing hands, down to one minute in the hopes that I might get to go alone just once.
There's a country song "You're Gonna to Miss This" that talks about always looking ahead and not appreciating the moment you are in now. How true this is. How often do we think in terms of someday? I know I am guilty. I think about the days when we will have the truck paid off, when I will weigh less, or when Alex starts school. I have to remind myself to enjoy the moment I am in and not live in the moments that may or may not happen.
I love how crazy my life is. I love that I plan a day and at the end of it everything I planned did not happen. I love that life gets you so flipped around that you don't even know where you are going. Here is what I love the most: God knows where I am going. I don't have to worry about if I am on track or if I will accomplish all that I plan. He knows where I am, where I have been, and where I will go. He has great plans for me. They probably won't include fancy cars, houses, boats, or even servants, but they do include a little boy who is growing up more everyday. It's the greatest job I could ever be given. It is an honor and an awesome responsibility to help him grow into the man that God wants him to be.
There's a country song "You're Gonna to Miss This" that talks about always looking ahead and not appreciating the moment you are in now. How true this is. How often do we think in terms of someday? I know I am guilty. I think about the days when we will have the truck paid off, when I will weigh less, or when Alex starts school. I have to remind myself to enjoy the moment I am in and not live in the moments that may or may not happen.
I love how crazy my life is. I love that I plan a day and at the end of it everything I planned did not happen. I love that life gets you so flipped around that you don't even know where you are going. Here is what I love the most: God knows where I am going. I don't have to worry about if I am on track or if I will accomplish all that I plan. He knows where I am, where I have been, and where I will go. He has great plans for me. They probably won't include fancy cars, houses, boats, or even servants, but they do include a little boy who is growing up more everyday. It's the greatest job I could ever be given. It is an honor and an awesome responsibility to help him grow into the man that God wants him to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)