Growth in the Valleys

 

Arriving in Guatemala was an amazingly good feeling. The few months leading to this much awaited event had been fraught with discouragement - financial, relationships, physical, mental and of course even spiritual. Being attacked on every angle did not leave me in the greatest mind set to have the last 24 hours before arriving being filled with crazy plane issues that led to a Saturday arrival rather than the planned Friday night arrival. But God knew. 

Just like He knew I'd be standing in a valley after we walked out near the volcano to spend some time enjoying the view and seeing first hand the hardened lava of multiple eruptions. Feeling the urge to walk more down the path than where we stopped, I came to a place that reminded me of Psalms 23. The valley wasn't as vast as I picture when I think of David's words, but it was enough to lead me down a path of deep contemplation. 

There I stood, looking out at this small valley, and just seeing all the destruction. Behind me was a bunch of trash, whether left purposely or blown there I do not know, and more black rocky surfaces from past eruptions. My mission team was visible at the top of the hill and yet I stood in this valley feeling so alone. 

But through the destruction and trash, I started noticing some things. New growth. 

Though the ground was utterly destroyed by the hot lava that had flowed out of the volcano and hardened rocks covered the ground, there was still growth. And it reminded me of my past few months; how tested and stretched thin I felt. How I felt as though I was singed on all levels and I had been trying to harden myself against more trials thinking it'd be my only way of coping as I moved forward. 

Then I stood in this small valley, and it hit me so hard that tears filled my eyes and overflowed from my emotions. The reminder that He is with me no matter what I am going through. The reminder that He is growing something new in me, that He is making me holy. That He is growing me to be who He wants me to be. 

Three plane rides - delays, too short of layovers, way too heavy of bags - and all the months up to this point had a purpose. And it was definitely not what I had planned, but it was exactly what He had planned. 

I can not always see why He allows certain things. I get frustrated. I feel discouraged, I feel hopeless as things get harder and harder. Pushing through feels impossible. But God. God is there. God is in control. God knows what His plans are for me. God knew I'd stand in that valley, reflect on His Word, realize the world can harden the heart, it can fill it with trash, it can seem rocky and impossible to deal with but God. He can grow things when I think it's impossible. He knows the path that I can't see in front of me. He sees the impossibility of new life and makes miracles happen. 

So upon our return to the clubhouse/camp we were staying at, I journaled for the first time in forever. I let the emotions flow out, let God's Word flow in and I remembered who I am. I am God's child. And He's got the things I can't see under His control no matter how I feel. He's making me into who I need to be to serve His kingdom. And for that, I am grateful of His love, guidance, wisdom, and protection.